Don't be your own worst enemy - there'll be plenty of volunteers for that role!

If there's something I constantly have to work on when it comes to skating it's my confidence. Well, not even my confidence really, just my willingness to make a fool of myself. I've never been one who handled humiliation well - I've had to work really hard in my adult life to be able to laugh at myself rather than just getting embarrassed.

I actually thought
I was alone in this until I was at the rink earlier in the week and an older skater - one who's in her late 60s - told me she feels that way (unprompted by me). While it was something I was already aware of about myself and already trying to tackle - this lady saying it gave me an extra kick up the backside. I'm not happy being that way in my early 30s, so I certainly don't want to still be tackling the same issue in 30 years' time.

I also had a thought this week that - even though he's never said it - I'm pretty sure my coach is of the mind that he'd be much happier if you tried something, failed miserably and landed on your head, than if you didn't try at all because you were too nervous.

One of the other skaters (who I adore, by the way, she's a lovely girl) often comes across as one of coach's "favourites" - and having thought through the reasons why, it's pretty obvious that it's because she works very hard, and even though she's scared, she does things anyway and damns the consequences. She also gives not a single thought to what others might or might not be thinking about her skating.  It's a great attitude to have, and it means she progresses quickly.

It's not that I'm just realising these things for the first time, but more that it's the first time I've really, properly thought about them and processed them in a helpful way.

It came as I began learning some of the principles of CBT - cognitive behavioural therapy. I was taught recently about the "fight or flight response" - the chemical, physical workings that drive it - and also about "unhelpful thinking habits".

These things I've heard about before, of course, but never so in-depth. At a skate camp once, we had a talk about confidence etc, but as adults most of us didn't particularly find it helpful. It's easy for someone to say (or even to say to yourself) that you have to banish those gremlins and think positive thoughts - but not necessarily so easy to do it and actually convince yourself. It DOES, however, become easier if you're aware of the thought patterns you're experiencing and how to deal with them a bit more effectively.

So with these things in mind, I've decided not to be my own worst enemy, to work harder to just do the things I'm scared of regardless - while using some of the techniques I've been learning to mentally push through it.

I do actually think it's starting to work too - this week my Salchow started to improve again (I banned myself from collecting my silver certificate until I could do it to the same level as I could the week it was signed off - and I think if the week coming is just as good I may just have reached that time, yay!), I did everything a little bit faster than I've ever dared before and tried new things, things I'm afraid of, without complaining (too much)....Just hoping I can continue this way.

Happy skating!