*The fine line between bravery and stupidity*

(Dated: 6 Dec 12)

So, here we are, six weeks on from the fall in which I broke my wrist. It's been quite the emotional journey at times; I've cried with frustration on occasion, suffered a couple of moments of irrational claustrophobia of the arm (yup, really!), laughed at all my mishaps including getting stuck with my jumper over my head and died of boredom a fair few times.

I've re-watched all eight seasons of "Monk", stayed up-to-date on every tv programme I like, read three novels, written all my Christmas cards (one-handed), online shopped, learned to count to 100 in Russian and am on first name terms with our Jezza (Mr Kyle to you).

An, lo, the end is in sight. Sadly I have to report that it seems to still be just a glimmer in the distance as opposed to a bright shiny at the end of the tunnel.

I was perhaps lucky in that the A&E people did a great job of manipulating my arm (read: pulling and wiggling and causing great agony) in the first instance, meaning I've got away without needing any pins, plates or other surgery. But I'm starting to question whether that was really such a blessing.

The two other people I know who've broken wrists on the ice had surgery. Their casts came off and they could both (as far as I'm aware) use their arms/hands pretty much normally almost straight away.

My cast came off a week ago and it might as well still be plastered up for all the use it is to me. It feels a bit like having a wooden arm. There's no movement of the wrist itself whatsoever, and very little movement of the fingers. My elbow also doesn't straighten. I didn't expect that at all and I'm really disappointed. I expected stiffness and weakness, not zero action. Cue grouchy face right here.

I'll get physio and I'm sure it'll get moving again, but as I haven't even had a letter through with an appointment a week down the line, who knows when that'll be.

In the meantime, I'd like to crack on with life please. I've spoken to my GP about getting back to work on an amended basis (can't really do my actual job while it's like this), and I've been back on the ice.

The latter has gone down with mixed reactions. The hubby wasn't too chuffed the first time I said I wanted to give it a go. I promised I would stick with my chaperone and not skate alone and he begrudgingly dropped me off at the rink.

And I have to say I was pleasantly surprised at how I felt on the day. I fully expected a butterfly invasion in my belly, but I didn't get one. In fact, if it wasn't for the arm and the danger posed by the ice I'd have cracked on as if it never happened. As it was, I behaved myself and stuck close to my minder and the barrier, and within 10 minutes got off out of sheer frustration at not being able to practice anything I wanted to practice.

The couple of times since then, also in the spirit of behaving myself and not giving my bosses any reason to be furious with me, I've been on with my coach. He's had me doing pretty basic stuff while holding his hand just to get the feel of it and get my confidence up, and that's been great.

However, in my most recent "lesson", he tried getting me to do just basic edges on my own, and while I didn't feel nervous, it seems I've lost trust in myself a bit because I couldn't seem to just go for it and do them as well as I know I can. I think the main thing is that I'm SO aware of the impact it would have on work if I were to reinjure myself so quickly, and of the fact that at the moment my wrist doesn't bend, therefore if I did fall on it, it would simply snap. That wouldn't be fun.

So my question is, where do I draw the line. I'll have to go for it by myself at some point, right? And if I wait til it's fully healed we could be talking a year down the line. So is it brave or stupid to just don some wristguards and see what I can do? Hmmm. Answers on a postcard please.