*Going for Gold*

South African gold-medallist runner Oscar Pistorius puts much of his success down to inspiration from his parents. When they made the intensely difficult decision to have both of his legs amputated when he was just 11 months old (he was born without a fibula in either leg), they wrote a letter explaining their decision, for Oscar to read later in life.

In that letter were these words of wisdom: "A loser is not one who runs last in the race. It is the one who sits and watches, and has never tried to run."

I don't know about you, but I could do with having that tattooed somewhere prominent.

I sometimes think I should be ordered to write lines. 

I must not compare myself to others
I must not compare myself to others
I must not compare myself to others

Just because someone else is doing a certain spin or jump doesn't mean I have to be, but I do sometimes forget that. I'm sure I'll have strengths in areas where they're weak and vice versa - everybody is different. Measuring your own progress is what counts. It's easy to look at someone else and ask why they can do a Salchow and you can't, but does it matter, as long as you're still making progress, working hard and enjoying yourself?

I'm back in that place at the moment - where I love skating and can't seem to get enough of it and feel like I'm making progress - but there's one trouble. The wrist. There have been complications, it seems. The bones are healed - beautifully so, apparently - but the docs think I must have either ripped my ligaments or tendons to shreds, or done something equally debilitating, because this damn wrist still moves barely an inch. I'm still holding out hope that a different consultant will have a different opinion, but the ones I've seen have essentially told me to get used to life with a disability. Not exactly chuffed, but if that's what it'll be, then que sera sera - I'll just have to deal with it. 

But have you ever been given a mystery Christmas or birthday present months early - and been told you can't unwrap it until the day?

I feel a bit like that. Let me explain...

I never thought I'd say this, but Keith Chegwin and me, we're like peas in a pod. Coming back to Dancing on Ice this year
after the disaster last year when he fell and broke his shoulder in three places and cracked a bunch of ribs, he said in his VT this time around that he'd returned with way more confidence than he'd had the year before.

I'm the same. It's almost as if, I've pretty much had the worst fall that can happen, and now there's no more fear of the unknown, I guess, because we're acquainted now.

So had everything gone to plan and if my arm was in full working order, I'd be all the better for it. I WANT to take risks, I want to move onto jumps - which I'm perfectly capable of trying if only I could have a few falls as I'm learning - but I'm not allowed to fall, so therefore I'm not allowed to take the risks. The slightest knock of this arm could spell disaster.

So it's like someone's handed me a big bag of confidence but said I'm not allowed it yet. It's there, but unopened. 

That said, I've been allowed to dip in for a little handful at least. I'm using it, just not to its full potential. 

Since I got back on the ice, I've passed my levels 8,9 and 10 skate uk levels, and a few weeks later I'm probably more than halfway to bronze, so it hasn't done me too much harm apparently. 

I'm hoping to find out soon what damage has been done to my wrist and what the result of all this is going to be, and then I intend to rip that bag open, whatever the outcome. 2013 - you're going to be my golden year. That's the aim anyway.