*Ever had one of those days?*

You know, THOSE days. Where you kinda wish you'd never bothered getting out of bed?

That's been me for about three days out of the last five. All skating-related, of course.

So basically, that spin that started to come has entirely deserted me for no apparent reason, the bravery is nowhere to be seen and I keep chickening out of my three jump. What's that all about?? I know, I know, we all have these times, and in a week it'll be "What was all the fuss?", but I'll admit I got myself all worked up to the point of tears at the rink this morning. :-(

I also fail miserably on even attempting backward crossrolls without someone's hand to hold. I seem to get stuck with both feet on the ice in a tangle trying these. Any tips much welcomed!

To some extent I blame
the atmosphere at our rink lately, which has been less than fun for a number of reasons. But mainly it's just me, having an off week, I guess. But along with the rough comes the smooth, and some things ARE going more my way.

I started to learn the Salchow a couple of lessons ago and it's just this past week that I've felt able to attempt it away from the barrier. It's kind of starting to work, but I'm well aware that I need to actually jump much sooner than I do, because at the moment I'm getting a half rotation at best (I'm cheating and spinning a bit into it without meaning to) - but it's progress, and I'll take any progress I can get!

On a much more positive note, last weekend was spent at Braehead camp in Scotland - three days of hard work both off and on ice, and a lot of fun to boot. This year we had the lovely Mark Hanretty leading our on-ice stuff which was a huge pleasure. The guy is just a great person in general, a phenomenally beautiful skater and a fantastic coach too.

Based on what I felt  both last year and this year, I seem to discover a braver me at Braehead and I'm not too sure why. Partly I think it's the desire to keep up with all the other skaters, and partly it's that it's ALL adults like me, so I don't feel at all judged. I permanently (whether rightly or wrongly) feel judged at my own rink. - by those better than me, but also by those who can't skate well, paradoxically. I feel that if, for example, I try a jump and fall, the general public who wouldn't even try it are laughing and thinking to themselves that I deserved it for "showing off".

This was one of the things we went over at Braehead actually, in "confidence class" as we called it. How silly it is that we, as adults, often feel that way - that we're being judged. Genuinely, when was the last time you looked at a skater trying, say, a lutz, and falling, and thought they looked an idiot for falling? You don't, do you? You think "Wow, look at her, how brave she is for trying it. I wish I was that brave." So it's really nonsensical that we feel others are mentally putting us down when we can't do something, surely?

Yet no matter how often I tell myself these things, my brain unfortunately doesn't quite believe it. Shame.

So Braehead was wonderful, with just a few niggles that I will feed back to the organisers if they should ask. One thing was that while we were on ice doing edge work, a high-level skater was having a lesson on the very same ice. Now if you don't know Braehead, it's not a big rink. In fact, it's pretty titchy. So frequently we had to swerve, or stop, to give way to his programme practice. Not entirely fair when we'd all paid hundreds of pounds to be there, at a supposedly dedicated camp.

The other thing - the bigger thing in my mind - was that despite the lovely Mark H telling us on day one that he totally rates adult skaters - that they are not, as some view them, second-class citizens. That he loves teaching adults because they are always there because they WANT to be there. The other coaches - including the organisers - clearly did not feel the same.

The kids had their camp on the same days as us but at different times. Throughout their on-ice time, all coaches were on the ice.

On day one, our timetable was given to us, and for the full three days said things like:

On ice edges with Mark and Simon
On ice technique with Mark, Stanick and Simon

The reality was actually:

On ice edges with Mark. Simon will be off the ice having a coffee.
On ice technique with Mark. Stanick will get on the ice for a second, take one look at all the idiot adults and get off. Simon will be in the cafe. None of you will get any feedback on the things Mark is asking you to try, because really, how can Mark watch 16 of you at once?

Not ideal.

But despite these things, Mark was great and we did have a lot of golden rules reinforced. Not sure if I'll go again, which is a shame really, but it felt as if the adults were just there to provide money, to be honest.